I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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