I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
