every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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