I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
