Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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