dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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