first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
