after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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