I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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