Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
