everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
