your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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