I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
