I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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