Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
