I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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