Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
