I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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