I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
