Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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