he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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