I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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