I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
