Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
