her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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