meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize