i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
