i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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