THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
as a side note pls kill me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
