every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
True college students do jello shots in the library
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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