It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
3 2 1 whiskey
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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