Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
