he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
