its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
