you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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