I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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