He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
