apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
