you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
