...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize