Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
