Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
