whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
