He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
