no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
