i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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