I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
