And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
