Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
