i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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