I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
