I am puke
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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