Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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