I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
