it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
