marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize