Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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