My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
