He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
