This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
