I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize