Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
