you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize