So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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