capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
