somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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