Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize