Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
