thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want nice things and good sex
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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