What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm always down for nudity.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
