so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
