if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
