Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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