tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize