its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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