The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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