You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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