i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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