I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
