we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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