Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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