my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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