i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
