You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
