im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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