Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
