Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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