Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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