I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
