we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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