This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
