I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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