just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize