I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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