at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
