ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
