Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
